As someone chopped up my mind and fed it to a Magic Bullet one euphoric piece at a time, I was gradually overcome by a… need for her that transcended mere love. I pulled myself up to her tip and kissed her neck. ((I want to be with you forever. I will be with you forever. We are one.)) The only thing left on my itinerary was getting back to riding her until I climaxed.

I finished kissing her and resumed riding her, with her hands guiding me up and down, an obscenely contented smirk severing her chin from the rest of her face. We rode the rising and falling waves of my lust together, gazing desirously into each other’s eyes.

The tingling of the brushing of the crown of her cock against my G-spot on each stroke and the feeling of her filling me gradually magnified in their intensity as I—

My muscles gave way and I collapsed on top of her, my chest heaving, my body buzzing, my lips smiling. I hummed as we cuddled atop my lumpy old king-size mattress, her arms wrapped around me, her fingers gently rubbing my back, her body touching mine, her cock inside me, her lips pressed against my forehead, every little aspect of my existence a perfect masterpiece of the art of living, the best and most beautiful moment of my existence spent with the best and most beautiful person who I loved more than anybody or anything.

After we had laid there for a while, she asked, very quietly, “(Andy… may I ask a somewhat personal question?)”

I kissed her neck; she sighed. “I will share absolutely anything with you, Judy.”

“Okay… Would you happen to be on birth control?”

“Oh, God!” I shot upright and yanked my curls. “Oh fuck, what have I done? What the fuck have I done? I’m due to ovulate today or tomorrow!” Her eyes spread, wide as the Grand Canyon, and she bit her lip. “I’m fucked, I’m so fucked! Judy! I’ve fucked up royal—(mf—)”

She took a deep breath then placed a finger on my lips, interrupting my panic. “(Shh.) You have options. Everything will be alright.”

My panic shrank just enough to be contained, but I was still not feeling that ‘everything’ would be ‘alright’. “I’ve fucked myself over, I’ve—and now you have to worry about a kid…”

She was calmly containing some kind of emotion which was definitely not anxiety. “I’m fine. I’m not… super jazzed about you having to deal with an unplanned pregnancy—so maybe we should… (fuck…) abstain from unprotected sex next time you’re fertile, instead of giving me the chance to… succumb to temptation.”

((‘Temptation’… I let her do something she was trying not to do. I let her relapse, or… something like that.)) “How can you trust me if I tempt you and succeed on the first try?”

She cupped my cheeks. “It’s not that big a deal, you didn’t hurt me—in fact, you made me feel amazing, so there’s no need to get worked up on my part. I… (trust) you, Andy. Even though… even though… I only met you two days ago. And I’ll still trust you even if you do way worse than something so innocuous as giving me the privilege of fucking you raw without pulling out.” She gently pulled me down so that we were chest-to-chest and kissed me on the forehead, and I let myself relax just a little. “As for why you don’t use BC… that’s none of my business.”

“But if we’re having sex, don’t you need to know?”

“No. I don’t want to risk unintentionally pressuring you into doing something you might not want to do.”

“Oh. Well. Um. I’m open to it now that I’m having sex, but… I won’t have insurance to pay for it after the end of the month. I can’t afford COBRA.”

“You can apply for Medi-Cal.”

“Okay. Sure. Duh. And in the meantime, I guess we can use… condoms.” The word was bitter and slimy on my tongue.

“But will you use condoms?”

“Y-yeah…?”

“Are you sure about that?”

I blinked. “Why… shouldn’t I be?”

“Are you going to keep condoms handy?”

“I think I can trust you to supply your own.”

“Well, you just happen to be correct.” She grabbed her purse off the nightstand and pulled out a plastic-film-wrapped pre-lubricated extra-large contraceptive. “But you can’t trust every partner to be so diligent. Are you allergic to latex?”

“No.”

“Have you been tested for latex allergy?”

“Uh… No.”

“Medi-Cal should pay for a test. Do you know how to put one of these on me?”

“While your penis is much straighter than the banana was… I think I could figure it out.”

“What would you say to me pulling out and you putting this on my cock?”

“(Um…)”

She held out the condom for me to take. “Go ahead. Put a wrapper on it.”

“(I don’t want you to pull out…)”

“You said you would use a condom.”

“Yes, I know I said that, but—(ugh…)”

“Come on. Take it. Open it. I’ll even help you put it on me.”

I very reluctantly accepted the rubber and pinched one serrated edge to tear the plastic.

“Go ahead.”

“What if I mess up? I don’t want to waste your condoms.”

“I get boxes of them from Family Futures. Let’s practice.”

That thing I held between my fingers felt so… unnatural.

“Open it.”

It took far less effort to tear it open than I would have liked—I wished I’d been unable to do it.

“And… take it out.”

I removed the condom from its wrapper. It was slick, slippery, slimy.

Then she scooped her hands under my ass to lift me. “Let me help you get off…”

My love high threatened to crumble. “Stop. Don’t pull out.” She took her hands away. “I want you inside me. From start to finish. And I… don’t want to use a… a condom. Or pull out.”

She nodded knowingly and (I suspect) with pity. “Just my luck: a woman who only likes to do it raw and insists on me cumming inside.”

“I’m sorry.”

She giggled. “Andy, there is absolutely nothing for you to be sorry about, trust me. I’ll go to the drugstore the morning after we’ve fucked and pick up the morning after we’ve fucked pill; it has a good chance of working. And, worst case, if Plan B doesn’t do its job, abortion can be your Plan C. You’re okay with either of those, right?”

“I’m not looking forward to an abortion, but if it ends up being the only way to dodge parenthood…”

“Would you like me to go with you to the clinic?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I think that would make it a little bit easier.”

She patted me on the cheek. “You’ll be fine. You aren’t gonna be a mother.” I was caught off guard by an inexplicable nip of regret. “Everything will be fine.”

“Thank you, Judy.” I finally relaxed all the way, and those words I had previously decided to keep unsaid until the right moment decided that now was the right moment and rolled off my tongue: “I love you.”

As I added those three words, her face strained nervously.